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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25122025">Before the devil knows you're dead</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rotten_Panda/pseuds/Rotten_Panda'>Rotten_Panda</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bleach</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, Feels, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Pre-Slash If You Squint, Relationship Study, Which probably won't be that hard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:13:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,713</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25122025</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rotten_Panda/pseuds/Rotten_Panda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>There’s something that has been troubling his friend, he can tell, and it’s getting on his nerves because he has no idea of what could be wrong because this whole situation is just fucked up. It could be anything, in fact, it might as well be everything; from their lieutenant's disappearance to their captain’s bad mood, to the whole situation in their squad, the number of dead bodies that just keep increasing, everything.</i>
</p><p>  <i>Except… Yumichika looks worse when he’s staring at him.</i></p><p>Just after the thousand-year blood war, there are still too many things to be done and, apparently, too many things to be said as well.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ayasegawa Yumichika &amp; Hisagi Shuuhei, Ayasegawa Yumichika &amp; Madarame Ikkaku</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Bloom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I've always wanted Ikkaku to find out about Yumichika's Shikai and explore their relationship around that. I also find the Hisagi/Yumichika dynamic kind of interesting, and since I found it relevant to this topic I've decided to include it as well.<br/>While this is not a shipfic, I guess you can read it as one (both for Ikkaku/Yumichika and Hisagi/Yumichika). However, this is meant only as a relationship study to explore their friendship :) </p><p>English is nor my first language, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes you may found.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything seems fine now.</p><p>It's been no more than a few days, and there is a lot of work to be done, a lot of reconstruction still ahead, and of course, a lot of people still in bed. Everyone is running from one place to another, doing what they can. There is, to everyone’s dismay, a lack of order due to so many captains missing, not to mention a lot of officers dead. All lieutenants and seated officers are doing their best to keep some kind of order, but there's only so much they can do with what they have.</p><p>Yumichika checks again the list in his hand. Another body from the 11th division. He was new and young, with a good spirit and a lot of energy. He liked to spare with others just as much as Ikkaku, no matter that he lost half of the time due to his lack of experience. But still, he was a fighter, eager to learn and improve.</p><p>Now he's dead.</p><p>It bothers him, how everything is quiet now. There’s a lot of noise, of course, but there are no more screams of pain and despair, but simply people shouting instructions and reports. There is no violence, and yet, he’s looking at a corpse that says completely otherwise. It just doesn’t feel right.</p><p>The whole situation is unsettling, to say the least. Everything has changed in the blink of an eye, <em> everyone </em> has changed, and he feels nostalgic all of a sudden.</p><p>“How’s it going?”</p><p>He turns and sees Ikkaku approaching him with a grim look. He’s in a bad mood, too, and Yumichika would feel like smiling if it weren’t for the pain he feels in his chest every time he sees his friend now.</p><p>“Not good. More than 100”.</p><p>Ikkaku doesn’t respond, which is weird, because he usually would’ve said some curse under his breath, and incline his head while running a hand through his neck.</p><p>Now he just stares at him, like he’s trying to ask how he’s doing, and Yumichika does the same. They seem to understand each other, and not a word is said. Ikkaku just starts helping others nearby, not far away from him.</p><p>Yumichika stares at him from his place. He wants to say that Ikkaku has grown, but it feels weird as he has always thought of him as a grown man, and it’s not like he thinks Ikkaku is getting old. </p><p>But there’s something in him now, that wasn’t there just a couple of years before. He has never thought of his friend as immature, but right now, in that gaze, he sees some seriousness and wisdom he hadn’t seen before. </p>
<hr/><p>Everything sucks.</p><p>Okay, not everything. He's alive, and so are Yumichika and his Captain.</p><p>Yachiru is nowhere to be found. </p><p>When Yumichika had asked -Yumichika, because he was too much of a coward to do it himself- their Captain had stayed quiet for what felt like ages, and then dismissed them, saying something weird about her being still there.</p><p>He’s not sure he gets it. He wants to ask more, he needs answers, but Captain Zaraki is barely paying attention to what they say. He knows he’s mourning, and he decides to let him be. It’s not like he can do anything to lessen the pain, he knows better.</p><p>He wants to talk to Yumichika, but he’s not even sure about <em> what </em>. He feels like there’s something he wants to say, but every time they are together it just doesn’t feel right. Nothing feels right these days.</p><p>Yumichika himself seems… sad. It’s not a word he would usually associate with Yumichika, who has always given him that smile of understanding even at their worst times. Now, though, he looks like he’s always in deep thought, and stares at him in a way he’s never done before. </p><p>It troubles him.</p><p>They don’t speak more than a few words during the day -which is not that surprising, considering the amount of work the have-. At night, they spend some time together, eating in silence and drinking small amounts of alcohol, looking at everything and nothing at the same time. They are both lost in their thoughts, but they do glance at each other from time to time, like they need to confirm the other is still there.</p><p>It’s not uncomfortable, really, but is not the silence they’re used to. It feels heavy, and he would never say it out loud, but he wishes Yumichika would be his usual self, cheerful even when there's no reason to be.</p><p>There’s something that has been troubling his friend, he can tell, and it’s getting on his nerves because he has no idea of what could be wrong because this whole situation is just fucked up. It could be anything, in fact, it might as well be everything; from their lieutenant's disappearance to their captain’s bad mood, to the whole situation in their squad, the number of dead bodies that just keep increasing, everything.</p><p>Except… Yumichika looks worse when he’s staring at him. He makes some kind of weird face, like he doesn’t want Ikkaku to be there and <em> damn </em> that hurts, because he doesn’t remember doing anything wrong.</p><p>It is not an angry face, tho. It is almost as if Yumichika is looking past him, like he remembers something horrible, and he’s too afraid to ask and upset him further.</p><p>There is something that’s been bothering him too… but he’s not even sure what it is. He remembers, faintly, the moment he and Yumichika were attacked by a zombified Captain Hitsugaya. He remembers Yumichika being an idiot, trying to cast a Kidou spell to protect them. He remembers hitting Yumichika with as much force he could -he might have felt bad, but he wanted him to be as far away from the blow as possible-. He remembers Yumichika calling for him, a desperate tone in his voice that when he thinks about it makes his heart sink. He remembers the pain and vaguely remembers Yumichika protecting him from what may have been the last blow.</p><p>And then he remembers him saying something <em> similar </em> to the name of his Zanpakuto. But to say he remembers is an exaggeration, as he’s not sure if he was dreaming or hallucinating or something. He may have imagined it for all he knows, but he just can’t stop thinking about it.</p><p>He wants to ask, he wants to know what happened because the moment he woke up Yumichika looked just as bad as he did. He needs to know, because his friend tried to protect him from someone way stronger than both, and he doesn’t know if he wants to feel thankful for his loyalty or enraged by his stupidity. </p><p>It is all wishful thinking, as he knows he hasn’t the courage to ask yet. Besides, he doesn’t even <em> know </em> what he wants to ask, and he thinks he might just make a fool out of himself if he just goes ahead without any idea of what he’s talking about. He can already hear Yumichika laughing out loud at him for his weird dreams.</p><p><em>“At least,” </em> he thinks <em> “he might laugh if I try.”</em></p>
<hr/><p>Time goes by, and things are getting as better as they can be. There’s a lot of work still, and all divisions are overloaded with both paperwork and fieldwork. Some divisions are still without a captain, or even without lieutenant, so they try to help as much as they can. When someone says they could use some help at squad 8, Yumichika has only time to doubt for a second before Ikkaku looks at him and says “Don’t worry, we’ve got it here”.</p><p>He is surprised, as Ikkaku has never been a fan of paperwork, and although he’s not a bad leader, Yumichika knows he’s not fond of the idea of giving orders. Again, he thinks his friend has changed and he’s not sure how, but he nods and thank him then leaves behind the shinigami that went looking for them.</p><p>When he arrives, he’s surprised to see Hisagi already there. He makes a face, because Hisagi is <em> far </em>from his favorite person, but knows that this is no place nor time for being petty, and just puts on a simple smile and approaches the other, who turns back at him.</p><p>“If you’re here, I assume Captain Muguruma is doing better now?”</p><p>He doesn’t look at Hisagi when he speaks; and rather glances at all the people going from one side to the other, in search of whoever it is who is in charge.</p><p>Hisagi has not taken his eyes away from him, and it's quite bothersome. On any other day, he might have made a snarky comment on the way the other’s looking at him, but he’s not in the mood right now. He’s tired and is already too much work to keep smiling.</p><p>“Yes, he is” Hisagi answers “Although, he’s still not doing much more than paperwork, not that there aren’t mountains of it, anyway”</p><p>“If that’s the case, why are you helping here? Aren’t you needed back at your squad?”</p><p>“Kuna is there, and she’s doing just fine.” Hisagi finally takes his gaze away from him, thinking of his co-lieutenant “Also, she’s too energetic and noisy for my style…”</p><p>Yumichika arks an eyebrow, now. He doesn’t know much about the so-called “super lieutenant” of squad 9, but just by the self-proclaimed name he gets the idea. He can help but let out a small chuckle because yes, Hisagi is way too grim and that girl is way too cheerful. They make an interesting combo. </p><p>When Hisagi hears the other laugh -it’s just a small laugh, with no real malice into it- he thinks he might be making fun of him, but then Yumichika says “I see, so you needed a break”; and it seems like he just finds it genuinely funny that he’s not that fond of Kuna. The mood appears to have lightened, and he dares speak now.</p><p>“What about you? I’ve never thought of Madarame or your captain as the working type”. </p><p>Yumichika stops smiling now, frowns, and just when Hisagi realizes he said the wrong thing too early, a second later the smile is back, but it looks less sincere than before.</p><p>“They <em> are </em> the working type, they’re just not the <em> paperwork </em>type”</p><p>Hisagi smiles, thinking back to the columns Madarame has written for the Seireitei Communication. They were good, but needed some edition because his way with words is… interesting, but a little bit troublesome for the range of audience they have.</p><p>That reminds him of Yumichika’s columns. Guy has a way with words, there’s no doubt of it. A part of Hisagi kinda hates him for that, as he has come to admit that he’s not the best writer out there; but, at the same time, he feels like he wants to read more, to hear more. He’s not interested in the contents of what Yumichika writes, <em> but in the way </em> he writes. He has his charm, and Hisagi knows he lacks that himself.</p><p>“I see” He sounds more at ease, and Yumichika wonders just what in the world Hisagi thinks when he looks at him. It has never looked like Hisagi resents him for<em> that one time</em>, but there is something in his eyes every time he looks at him; like he’s searching for something and can never found it.</p><p>“Ah, lieutenant Hisagi, 5th seat Ayasegawa, thanks for coming”</p><p>Tatsufusa comes then and starts talking. Most of his words are actually of no use, and both of them look at each other as the guy keeps ranting about how much they’ve done so far, but says nothing about what still needs to be done. Yumichika, who is by far much less patient that Hisagi, cuts him short when he starts talking about his <em> personal </em>achievements. </p><p>“What exactly do you need help with.”</p><p>Hisagi would’ve laughed, had he not been just as worked up as Yumichika. He has to resist the chuckle, though, when he sees Tatsufusa’s face. The guy’s <em> indignant</em>, to say the least, and he can see his cheeks getting red.</p><p>“Excuse <em> me</em>? You’re talking to a 3rd seat, kid, know your place.” He looks at Hisagi like he’s expecting him to agree with him that Yumichika is in the wrong. And, what’s worst of all, is that a few years ago he would’ve been, but he knows better now.</p><p>“He’s here to help, and you’re not giving us any idea on how we can do that, so please do tell what needs to be done.”</p><p>Yumichika looks at him with a frown, as he beat him before he could say anything, but he seems to get the message, and just shrugs it off. He’s not in the mood for this nonsense, anyway.</p><p>Tatsufusa doesn’t miss the threatening tone, and he finally gives them a briefing on what they’re doing <em> right now</em>. They engage in the work soon enough and say nothing else till it’s almost noon, and everyone is called to take a break.</p><p>They sit next to each other, and Yumichika finds that the silence is not that uncomfortable. He’s tired, and his mind is thinking of too many things. He can use a distraction, and then he remembers the little incident of a few hours ago.</p><p>“Thanks for speaking up for me, although I could have done fine without your nice words.” He says, half looking at his companion. Hisagi stares at him for more time that he thinks it’s necessary, and then shrugs.</p><p>“I wasn’t exactly speaking up for you, I just didn’t want to start an argument.” He says, then lowers his head and runs a hand through his head “But, I do think he was completely out of place. I made the same mistake with you before, but everyone knows by now you’re as good as a lieutenant. You and Madarame are not at the same level as the other officers.”</p><p>Yumichika is silent, as this is the first time Hisagi has talked about that time. He finds it almost funny, because now that he thinks about it, he has always expected Hisagi to say something about it, yet now that he has, Yumichika is sure this was not what he was expecting.</p><p>“You may be right.”</p><p>Now that Yachiru is no more, he knows Ikkaku is up to be the new lieutenant. He wonders if Ikkaku is aware of that, and if it has anything to do with the way he’s acting. He’s always been responsible, but Yumichika wasn’t kidding when he said his friend is not fond of paperwork. He’s also an interesting kind of leader, just as Captain Zaraki is. None of them are exactly into it, but people follow them nonetheless, they have that effect on people.</p><p>They have that effect on him.</p><p>He remembers following Ikkaku, district after district, with no logical reason at all. Ikkaku had never questioned him about it, and he never thought much of it himself. It was just the way he felt content; even when they were at the worst parts of the Rukongai, he felt at ease, being close to his only friend. </p><p>It just feels right for him, to follow Ikkaku and his captain. And yet… ever since he failed to protect Ikkaku from a zombie Captain Hitsugaya, he’s been wondering if he’s up to all of this. Every time he looks at Ikkaku his chest feels like someone is crushing it from the inside. The <em> terror </em> he had felt at that time, thinking his friend might just die, he wasn’t ready for it as he thought he was. He would never be.</p><p>Hisagi stares at him, but the other doesn’t notice. He’s making an irritated face, as if he’s troubled by something. He’s biting his thumb, too, and Hisagi wonders if that’s something he does constantly. </p><p>Yumichika is… interesting.</p><p>He’s not sure how to put it, but there’s something in the way Yumichika just <em> is </em>, that he finds both intriguing and endearing. He is not the kind of person Hisagi is used to, different from anyone he’s good acquainted to. He’s far from being a nice guy, and is not someone Hisagi would usually be interested in, but there’s something about being near him that feels right.</p><p>“You’re both being promoted when things get stable, anyway” He comments, and Yumichika grimaces in a way Hisagi had not expected. He’s about to ask if he’s not happy that he can finally get his so precious 3rd seat, but then remembers the whole reason he’s been promoted is that his lieutenant is no more.</p><p>Before he can apologize, Yumichika finally speaks. “Ikkaku will surely make a nice lieutenant, don’t you think?”</p><p>Hisagi now can’t take his eyes away from him. He’s surprised, because Yumichika is one of the most egocentric people he knows, and yet he’s diving all the attention to Madarame. It is weird, and Hisagi wonders if he’s just<em> that </em> upset about being promoted that he doesn’t wanna include himself in that conversation.</p><p>When the other doesn’t answer, Yumichika looks at him and finds Hisagi looking at him with big eyes. He looks incredulous, but not in a bad way, not like the time he revealed his Shikai to him. It’s more of a look of innocent and genuine surprise, and one that doesn’t quite fits in that intimidating face of his.</p><p>He laughs.</p><p>Hisagi is taken aback by this. The laugh doesn’t last much, but he can tell it is genuine, which makes it all more disturbing. </p><p>“What’s with that face?”</p><p>“W-what is with you now?”</p><p>He thinks he should be offended… and he is, the nerve of this guy, making fun of his face. But in truth… he doesn’t really feel that bad about it. Maybe he’s just glad that Yumichika isn’t offended by him finding him kind of a jerk.</p><p>He’s not <em> that </em> mean, tho, and he knows he might be acting unfairly. If there’s anyone Yumichika thinks of higher than himself is Madarame. It is no secret, and he has seen just how stupid he is when it comes to his best friend.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry.” The guy says, raising his hands to show he means peace. “It’s just so weird, looking at you making that face. I wouldn’t say is ugly, but it doesn’t suit you.”</p><p>Hisagi makes a face. He tries to look angry, but he can tell he’s failing, so he just crosses his arms and mutters a “You’re so weird”. Yumichika appears to take no offense, and they keep in silence for a while. It is comfortable, at least for now. </p><p>So of course Hisagi has to ask.</p><p>“Have you told Madarame yet?”</p><p>Yumichika feels like someone has just punched him, and for a brief second, he thinks he might vomit. He takes his hand to his mouth and tries to recover his breath. It is only a moment, though, and he speaks before the other can say anything.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>He can tell Hisagi is not satisfied with that, but fuck him. He doesn’t want to talk about that to Ikkaku, <em> ever</em>. He had almost used it... <em> almost, </em>and it had been stupid, really. He had been enraged, but it wouldn’t have ended any other way. He’s ashamed, ashamed of being so weak, that he couldn’t even protect his friend. Or anyone else, for the matter.</p><p>“Are you-”</p><p>“Stop it.” He says, and he’s proud that his voice doesn't even sound upset “I don’t wanna hear it.”</p><p>Hisagi wants to say something like <em> ‘you don’t even know what I’m going to say’, </em>but probably he does. He’s just that smart when he wants to be.</p><p>“Fine, whatever.” He says; and is glad that people are getting back at work. He stands and offers a hand to Yumichika, who eyes him with something similar to skepticism before smiling and taking the offer. He’s not thinking of saying anything else, or more like, he doesn’t think he has anything more to say; when Yumichika speaks.</p><p>“Thanks,” He says, as he keeps holding his hand firmly, but not tightly; “for keeping my secret.”</p><p>It is just at that moment that he finally looks at the other’s eyes. There’s gratitude in them, but something more, too. Something dark, something he finds painfully familiar, something he has seen before, something he saw every time he used to look in the mirror.</p><p>And he understands, now, why he finds Yumichika so interesting. He has seen that self-loathing in himself before, he knows that fear, of showing others your true self, of <em> just being </em> yourself.</p><p>He says nothing, but none of them take their gaze away from the other, not even when the other finally lets go of his hand, and they go back to work without another word.</p>
<hr/><p>Yumichika still doesn’t know exactly what it is, but he can tell for the way Hisagi now looks at him, that he has found whatever he was searching on him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Something on my mind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A lot of things are going through everyone's minds. Not all of them are good.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ugh this took me so long. I had a bad couple of months, but I'm really inspired with this one :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’s so done with this idiot.</p>
<p>Ruri’iro Kujaku is being <em>insufferable, </em>even more so than usual. Ever since his little talk with Hisagi, his Zanpakuto has been bothering and saying nonsense, and Yumichika wishes he would just shut up. Of course, his Zanpakuto has no intention of leaving him alone. Kujaku knows him all too well and is completely aware that if he wishes to annoy Yumichika he <em>must</em> keep talking, even if his master pretends to ignore him.</p>
<p>Yumichika would usually snap back at him, but he's still in a bad mood and has no energy to say something witty. He's not even paying attention to what is being said, but apparently, it has something to do with Hisagi's Zanpakuto. He wants to ask if Zanpakutos have some way to communicate with each other, but he doesn't want to give Kujaku the satisfaction of knowing he's kind of listening.</p>
<p>So, instead, he tries hard to concentrate on the bunch of documents on the desk. He pays no attention to Ikkaku, who is working on something a few meters from him.</p>
<p>He doesn’t notice the other gazing at him from time to time.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Yumichika is angry.</p>
<p>Ikkaku has been looking at him for a while now and is debating with himself if he should say something or not. Usually, he wouldn't, unless Yumichika himself brings it up, but he hasn't seen his friend like this in a long time. Yumichika is frowning —which, according to him, is not beautiful and causes wrinkles—, his reiatsu feels heavy and he's biting his thumb in the way he always does when something is bothering him. His eye twitches too, from time to time, and he's sure that the pen in his hand is going to break any minute now.</p>
<p>Man, he doesn’t want to ask. He has never been very good at giving advice or anything, and he doesn’t even know what's wrong. He could ask, of course, but…</p>
<p>If he is the second strongest man in the 11th division, then Yumichika is the second scariest. It seems strange because if anyone in this division <em>does not</em> look threatening, it is Yumichika. And while Ikkaku and the Captain are big and imposing, Yumichika is scary for being much crueler despite being relatively small and delicate-looking. So when he says "I'm going to kill you" with the most deadpan face one could muster, and proceeds to explain <em>exactly </em>how he intends to do so, well, it kinda takes you off guard.</p>
<p>While it is always fun to see Yumichika terrorizing the rest of the division, Ikkaku is not sure he wants to be on the receiving end of his wrath. Thus, he keeps quiet. If Yumichika has a problem, he’ll tell him when he wants (and, hopefully, when he’s no longer this… tense).</p>
<p>That’s not the only reason, tho. Ikkaku himself is in a bad mood too. Their captain has been meditating a lot lately… which is good, he supposes. But that also means he barely pays any attention to them these days. Ikkaku has taken on doing and supervising most of the fieldwork, and Yumichika (god bless him) has offered himself to deal with the paperwork. It should be normal since it’s kind of what they’ve been doing for years, but somehow this time it feels more… exhausting.</p>
<p>It's just that everything seems so much work and so little fun. He hasn't trained much with his subordinates, given that most of them are either dead or still healing. He has been sparring with Iba, but there's no drinking nor chatting now. Iba is, apparently, pretty serious about his training now, and while Ikkaku is proud of his friend, he wishes it were more fun. He needs a distraction, and Iba muttering "Bankai" to himself is of no help.</p>
<p>He doesn't even know why he wishes for less work. What would he do, if he had some free time? He could train, which he is already doing, if just by himself. He could be following his captain anywhere, but he's busy and Ikkaku knows better than to interfere in this matter. He could be searching for stuff to make Yachiru a nice birthday present, except, of course, Yachiru is not here anymore. He could go drink with Iba, but he's busy trying to become stronger and keep his squad in order. He could go talk to Shino and spend some weird but nice time with her, but she's been sent to Karakura again. He could be doing whatever with Yumichika, except there's still something weird between them and they barely talk these days.</p>
<p>He remembers, suddenly, of those days when they would walk around the Seireitei together, just chatting. Yumichika would always take him to some expensive place to eat something sweet or some refined tea. Yachiru would insist that he should buy her something, and Yumichika would agree, saying something like “<em>ah, I would like some, too”</em> and make him pay for the three of them… or four, since Yumichika, the bastard, always said “<em>this is good, don’t you think the Captain would like some, Lieutenant?” </em>and of course Yachiru would agree and pester him to buy more.</p>
<p>He always said he hated it, but he went anyway and paid every time. He complained loudly to Yumichika, and his friend would laugh and say “<em>but you liked it, didn’t you?”</em> and well, yeah, it was good. Yumichika had a nice taste for things, but seriously, Ikkaku could have eaten whatever and kept his money to buy sake any other day.</p>
<p>He wishes he could go back and buy Yachiru every sweet she wanted and buy Yumichika all the pastries he asked for. A second later he shakes his head, wondering why he’s suddenly so nostalgic. Everything was so damn simple, just a few years ago, just a few months ago. Ikkaku has never been very sensitive, nor has he ever attached himself to anything, or so he thought.</p>
<p>Now he wonders if he has attached himself too much to these people.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Too much work too much work too much work too much work!!!</p>
<p>There's so much work! Seriously, Hisagi should be used to this, given that he had run the squad by himself for half a year some time ago, but now this feels worse. Is it because he's worried that his Captain's recovery is in the hands of Captain Kurotsuchi? Perhaps he's still not fully recovered from hearing about Kira's new body? Or maybe it has something to do with the lot of officers he has lost? Could it be because there's so much paperwork that there's not even a place for it? Could it be...</p>
<p>"Ah, Shuuuuuhei! I'm sooooo bored!"</p>
<p>Ah. Maybe this could be.</p>
<p>“Then do some work!” He shouts. All patience has left him, and he now understands his captain for being always so worked up by Kuna. She is not bad, but he’s getting tired of her antiques.</p>
<p>“But it’s so booooooring!”</p>
<p>"Then go outside and supervise reconstruction or something!" He says, exasperated. He knows she probably won't be of much help out there, and is more likely to bully everyone, but god he needs a break from her. Captain Mugurama has always been the one handling her, and before he had found amusing (if a little bit weird) the way she would get him angry so easily.</p>
<p>Now he admires the man even more.</p>
<p>She is not that bad, as long as she gets some entertainment (and candy, so far candy has worked). However, it’s mostly just both of them these days, and he has to admit he is very, <em>very</em> bad at making conversation with her. Perhaps it would be easier if they didn't spend so much time together. Hisagi has concluded that some space is good for both of them, even if that means he has to do more work.</p>
<p>Last time he had left as soon as someone came asking for help at the 8th squad. Mashiro had stayed, yelling at their subordinates in what was supposed to be inspiring enthusiasm. He needed a break from paperwork and that much… energy.</p>
<p>In fact, he had lied to Yumichika when he asked about Captain Mugurama. He<em> was</em> doing better, but he still wasn't able to do much of anything, not even paperwork.</p>
<p>He wishes he gets better soon.</p>
<p>Thinking about Yumichika has his Zanpakuto calling at the back of his head, making him shiver. He hasn’t trained much lately, and, well, he still has his… reservations about it. Especially without Captain Mugurama, because Hisagi is almost sure Kuna might kill him if he’s not there to supervise them. However, ever since he saw the other guy, Kazeshini has been talking a lot, and, surprisingly, he seems to have taken some interest in Yumichika’s Zanpakuto… Again.</p>
<p><em>That one time</em> Yumichika had defeated him by taking him off guard, Kazeshini had found it quite amusing, and even said something along the lines of "<em>that guy and his sadistic way of doing things slowly”.</em></p>
<p>At that time, he had assumed he was talking about Yumichika, but has now been wondering if he was actually talking about Kujaku. Can Zanpakuto communicate and know about each other? When he had asked, Kazeshini had laughed at him and dodged the question altogether.</p>
<p>
  <em>“So we’re still not that friendly, huh…”</em>
</p>
<p>He's used to his Zampakuto's bullying, but, well, he had thought they were on better terms now. And they are, probably, but Kazeshini is not giving up his characteristic antagonism towards him that easily. At least he seems to be just having fun with Hisagi's bad mood, rather than causing it.</p>
<p>He wonders what Yumichika’s relationship with his Zanpakuto is, given that he decides not to call him by his real name. He wants to ask, mostly because he doesn’t want to feel like he’s the only person who has trouble with this.</p>
<p>Perhaps he should? He hadn’t before because… well, he didn’t like Yumichika. Not because of the fight, but because he was from the 11th, and Captain Tousen had never liked the bunch.</p>
<p>Hisagi hates to admit it, but he has come to realize that much about himself is not <em>really</em> himself, but rather someone else. Most of Tousen's convictions he had assumed as his. And even before Tousen, he had grown up with one objective always in mind, born by the memory of a man who he hadn't known, but that Hisagi had convinced himself to be like and built himself around that.</p>
<p>A lot has happened in just a couple of years, and Hisagi has made a lot of consideration on everything he used to believe. Starting with, for example, squad 11th.</p>
<p>He had never been one to judge, but now that he thinks about it, a lot of Tousens words <em>did</em> stay with him, even when they manifested subtly. While he had never been rude to anyone, he had always avoided the division the best he could. He had thought of them as kind of savages, and seriously, who enjoys fighting? He, who feared death and thought fighting should be a serious matter and an obligation one should complete with seriousness, found it hard to believe the way those guys almost <em>seek</em> death and found immense joy in fighting.</p>
<p>To this day, he still doesn't understand much about it, but he has realized that they're far from savages. Their Captain is an honorable man, who respects his men and holds them in great regard, and Madarame is a fine warrior, filled with determination and loyal to his division and friends. And Yumichika…</p>
<p>What is he doing there? The whole reason why he first reconsidered his opinion about everything is this guy, because he's completely different at what he thought, what Captain Tousen had taught him. He doesn't seem to fit in there, not just physically (although, he really is hard to miss between the others). He has a Kido Zanpakuto, and Hisagi would bet he is good at that, too. Not only that, but that ability is not at all like the way they fight, which is as if they wanted to draw as much blood as possible. He's a little bit jealous, for Yumichika has the perfect Zanpakuto for a fight, one that can disable the opponent without killing him, without blood, without injuries.</p>
<p>He hadn't thought much about it at first, but when he saw Yumichika back at the pillars, willing to fight him just to get to his friend, he started wondering exactly what was with those two. At that moment, catching the falling body in his arms, he thought for the first time that they weren't that different, that just like him, they had feelings and people whom they loved and cared for. Surely no savage would be like that?</p>
<p>And while this applies to all the 11th division, Hisagi still thinks Yumichika doesn't fit there. They are way too different. In fact, he's way too different from Madarame, how the hell do they spend so much time together? Is hard for him to understand, because he has always shared some common ground with the people he is friends with.</p>
<p>He steals a look at Kuna, who has fallen asleep and is drooling over some forms. He could use some advice at being friends with someone different.</p>
<p>God, he needs a break! But what can he do? Iba has refused his invitations to go drink, and he understands, for he has been at that place. He would like to visit Kira, but he is still at the 12th division and Hisagi doesn't want to risk an encounter with Captain Kurotsuchi. He knows Rangiku is doing better, and he thinks about asking her out. Abarai should be good, too, and he wonders if he'll be up for some sake.</p>
<p>He thinks about waking Kuna when she starts holding her breast, and Hisagi flees before he can see anything more than that.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Yumichika is in such a bad mood it takes him some time to realize Ikkaku's reiatsu quivering. He almost jumps when he feels it, and looks back at his friend to ask what the hell was that about when he notices the other is just staring blankly at the floor.</p>
<p>“Ikkaku?” He asks, softly, and the other raises his head immediately.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Yumichika can tell he has caught his friend out off guard, and immediately realizes he's unaware of the mess he's making with his reiatsu. He had been so worked up with his Zanpakuto that he hadn't realized Ikkaku was in a foul mood as well, and feels bad for not noticing earlier.</p>
<p>"I was wondering if you had fallen asleep," He says, because he knows Ikkaku won't take kindly if he asks what's wrong. "We really should finish this soon, you know?"</p>
<p>"I know" He responds, but keeps staring down at the paper in his hand, and again, Yumichika can tell he's not even reading it.</p>
<p>He knows what Ikkaku is upset about, and feels sorry for him. “You could offer him some guidance, you know? You’re the best when it comes to that sort of thing.”</p>
<p>Ikkaku stares at him, <em>of course you know, </em>he thinks, <em>you always know. </em>Still… "I don't think he wants my help with this."</p>
<p>"You could still offer, though." He answers and returns his attention to the next form because he still can't stand Ikkaku's gaze for long. "I think he's having a bad time, I can feel his reiatsu going crazy at night. Is becoming a problem for my beauty sleep."</p>
<p>Ikkaku lets out a chuckle, and Yumichika smiles. Just for a second, it feels like everything is well between them like it always has.</p>
<p>"I'm going out drinking with Renji later," Ikkaku says suddenly "You wanna come?"</p>
<p>Yumichika gives it a thought. He's usually not very comfortable when drinking with others, mostly because he has realized most people become very ugly when drunk. But Renji is not one of those. He's one of the few people Yumichika is fully comfortable with.</p>
<p>Also, he definitely <em>needs</em> a drink.</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>"You want to go out and drink? That's great! Renji and I were already planning on going out tonight. You should join us. I think he's bringing Kuchiki, too."</p>
<p>"Is that okay though?" Hisagi asks with some concern. "I mean, since you're still recovering and all…"</p>
<p>"Nonsense," She says, already dragging him out by the arm "I'm as good as new."</p>
<p>She seems in a good mood, but Hisagi has learned that when it comes to Rangiku it doesn't always mean she is. He has realized that both she and Kira drink too much when they're troubled, and he starts reconsidering if this was a good idea.</p>
<p>They arrive at the bar first. It is mostly empty, for there are not many people who have the time or the mood to go out. Rangiku orders as soon as they're seated, and Hisagi makes a note to keep an eye on how much she's having.</p>
<p>“Oh, Renji! Over here!” She says suddenly, waving her arm at Abarai and Kuchiki. “Ah! You’ve brought her! Good, good.”</p>
<p>Kuchiki doesn't seem very comfortable here, with her cheeks red and looking somewhat tense; but she greets them kindly, if a little too formally. They take their seats, Abarai sitting left to Hisagi and Kuchiki left from Abarai, leaving some space in the circular table which makes Hisagi wonder who else is joining them. Abarai soon orders for both of them, which makes Kuchiki´s eyes widen.</p>
<p>“W-why would you ask for both?! I thought we were sharing!”</p>
<p>“We were, but I invited Ikkaku-san, and Rangiku-san is here too. There’s no way we’re drinking just one bottle”</p>
<p>“Eh? Kuchiki, we’re here to have fun, sharing a bottle with Renji won’t do at all!” Rangiku says, leaning a bit on the table and making her breast show off even more (and Hisagi is surprised to see that Kuchiki seems more affected by this than Abarai). She has already started drinking, and he’s surprised she hasn’t accidentally dropped her bottle with that movement.</p>
<p>“You invited Madarame?” He asks, because thinking about Rangiku’s breasts right now, when he hasn’t even started drinking, is a bad idea and he needs a distraction.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I thought he could use a break.” <em>We could all use it</em>, everyone thinks. No one says it, but they agree with a shared look.</p>
<p>“Is he bringing Yumichika?” Rangiku asks “Guy could use a break, too. He gets moody when he spends too much time inside.”</p>
<p>“I mentioned it, but who knows?” Abarai starts drinking then, and Kuchiki grabs her bottle as if she’s unsure if she should drink, too. “Yumichika-san is not fond of drinking in groups.” <em>Especially when you’re part of it </em>Renji thinks, but knows it’s not a good thing to say out loud. He wonders, now, if Ikkaku has told Yumichika that Rangiku will be here.</p>
<p>Apparently, he didn't, because a few minutes later the bald guy arrives, followed by a nice looking fifth seat.</p>
<p>Yumichika takes a quick look around the table and guesses it could be worse. He's not here for the company, anyway, he wants to drink as much as possible, even if he won't really get drunk.</p>
<p>“Ah, so you’ve come!” Rangiku says cheerfully to him. “We were wondering if you’ll show up.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” He says smiling, while he sits next to Kuchiki and in front of Hisagi in what the latter thinks is an incredibly elegant manner. “I wouldn’t like to neglect you from my company”</p>
<p>Rangiku chuckles and makes some space for Madarame to sit between her and his best friend. This results in Hisagi being much closer to her now, which is ridiculous because there is a lot of space between both guys of the 11th, but Madarame makes no move to be closer to Yumichika. Rangiku is almost pressed up against his arm, and their thighs are touching perhaps a little too much.</p>
<p>Hisagi decides it’s a good moment to start drinking.</p>
<p>Abarai inclines his head and starts saying something to Yumichika, who a few seconds later shakes his head and fills a cup for Kuchiki and one for himself. She seems to appreciate the gesture, as she looks more confident drinking that way than directly from the bottle. Apparently, Yumichika has realized her unconformity, for he starts talking to her. Hisagi can't make out what they're saying, because their voices are soft while the others are way too loud and are much closer to him. However, whatever he's saying is working, because she's less red on the cheeks and seems more confident in her drinking.</p>
<p>Hisagi thinks it's good they're both here since Kuchiki is obviously not that used to alcohol and Yumichika is obviously neither. He has never seen the guy drink, and surely he must be too proud to get drunk and let someone see him that way, right? He pities him a little, for he knows his division is full of heavy drinkers, Madarame being one of them. Hisagi has shared some drunk time with the bald, for he's good friends with Rangiku and they both like to drink (and while it is probably the only thing they share, it seems to be enough for them).</p>
<p>He's used to seeing how the 3rd seat (soon to be lieutenant) becomes louder and even more aggressive when he has already taken enough bottles —which is usually a fair amount. Hisagi has realized that something similar happens with Renji and Iba, who were once part of the 11th. They all become lauder and weirder and look much happier, but they always seem to be aware enough of what is happening, and they just enjoy themselves in their usual yet more exaggerated ways.</p>
<p>(Rangiku and Kira should probably learn to do that.)</p>
<p>Now that could explain why Yumichika doesn't usually join them when they all go out. He looks more like he belongs in the 1st division's tea parties than here. Perhaps he came because he didn't want to leave Madarame by himself, or is just there to make sure the other gets back to their barracks.</p>
<p>It suddenly occurs to Hisagi that Yumichika does a lot of things just for that guy.</p>
<p>At least he’s not the only one who has been obviously dragged against his will. Kuchiki is now even drinking faster, and he keeps filling her cup when she asks him to. It makes Hisagi feel much better for both of them.</p>
<p>He pays them no mind, for a while.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Okay, Yumichika <em>could</em> drink.</p>
<p>Conversation had started fluid and amicably. At some point, Hisagi realized that not only had he forgotten to count Rangiku's drinks, but his as well, and had started feeling a bit tipsy.</p>
<p>Yumichika, however, had been counting.</p>
<p>“I think that should be enough for you, Rukia-chan.”</p>
<p>His voice sounded perfectly steady, like he hadn't drunk at all; which was why Hisagi had to do a double-check when he heard her saying she had just had as much as him. Renji chuckled then, taking her cup away. "Don't go there, Rukia. Yumichika-san has way more tolerance than you."</p>
<p>He kind of missed the rest of the conversation, and next thing he knew, Abarai was helping Kuchiki get up. They said their farewells, and Hisagi thought that despite looking red and a little bit sleepy, she still looked functional enough. More than himself, perhaps.</p>
<p>That left just the four of them, but that didn't kill the mood. Now that he wasn't entertaining Abarai's girlfriend, Yumichika had started some argument with Rangiku about some difference in taste… taste in what?</p>
<p>At some point, Yumichika said something along the lines of “<em>Who do you want to agree with you, Ikkaku?”</em> and Madarame had immediately said something similar to <em>“Don’t drag me into this, dammit.”</em></p>
<p>Despite his objection, he <em>did</em> end up being dragged into it. Somehow Madarame had started an argument with Rangiku —which had nothing to do with the original argument—. They started yelling at each other, getting closer every time they gave their response. At some point (when she was leaning <em>real close</em> to Madarame) Hisagi had to look away. Not like he was jealous or anything, he was just… uncomfortable, yeah, that was the word. Uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Having nothing else to look at, he let his gaze wander to the smaller man, who was busy drinking from his cup. And wasn't that weird? Every time he looked at the guy he caught him drinking.</p>
<p>This time, though, Hisagi kept looking. And Yumichika… kept drinking. He filled his cup with an admirable steadiness and grace, bringing it to his lips in a slow, elegant manner. How could he still do all of it so easily?</p>
<p>When the 5th seat asked for another bottle, his eyes met Hisagi's across the table and he smiled. Hisagi felt guilty at being caught, although he didn't think he was doing anything that should make him feel guilty.</p>
<p>“Is something the matter, Lieutenant?”</p>
<p>At that moment Madarame stopped his argument with Rangiku (though, intoxicated as she was, she didn’t notice and almost fell over the bald) to take a look at them. He gazed at Yumichika first, trying to read his expression to see if he was upset, and then regarded Hisagi, to see if he was threatening his friend in some way. When he didn’t find evidence of either thing, he returned his attention to Rangiku, just in time since she had started to tug at his hakama.</p>
<p>“Eh… no, sorry. It’s just, well,” He pointed at the bottles in front of him. “I didn’t know you liked drinking.”</p>
<p>"Ah, I see," Yumichika said, filling his cup and drinking from it once again. "I hadn't realized this was the first time I had the pleasure to drink with you."</p>
<p><em>How can you talk so smoothly? I can barely form ideas in my head. </em>He thought, frustrated. Yumichika hardly looked drunk, in fact, the only thing that showed he had been drinking was the blush in his cheeks, and Hisagi considered the possibility that even that wasn’t a consequence of the alcohol, but some trick to look prettier.</p>
<p>Hisagi didn’t know how tall the guy was, but he knew he had to be smaller than Rangiku (not like he knew perfectly well how tall she was, not at all), and he knew for sure (because he had carried him once) that he wasn’t that heavy either. Yumichika was kind of small compared to them, and wasn’t size and weight important when it came to alcohol tolerance? Then how come could he look and act just perfectly fine right now? He had never seen anyone that cool after drinking that much, not even with the other 11th guys.</p>
<p>Hisagi hadn’t realized he had kept his gaze at the other. He wasn’t really looking at him, his thoughts being far away from reality, but the moment Yumichika looked away and inclined his head to whisper something to Madarame’s ear Hisagi realized that must have looked bad. If Yumichika had felt uncomfortable and had asked Madarame to deal with him, Hisagi didn’t think he would be able to put up a fight in his state.</p>
<p>There was no fight, though. Yumichika stood, followed by Ikkaku who muttered a “<em>Sorry, pal</em>” before leaving some money at the table and leaving behind his friend.</p>
<p>The weight of Rangiku's head in his shoulder woke him up enough to realize he had been left with her.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Hisagi has been staring at him.</p>
<p>Yumichika had thought that Hisagi had finally found whatever he had been looking for in him, that whatever thing that troubled him had died and that he wouldn’t receive more weird glances.</p>
<p>Now, tho, now it's even worse. Hisagi is giving him <em>that look</em>. The one he receives when someone compares him to the rest of his squad. Like he doesn’t belong there, like he’s in the wrong place, like they want to offer him a way out like he’s some kid or damsel in distress.</p>
<p>He wants to kill the guy.</p>
<p>Or at least he would like to provoke him into a fight. So what, if he has more manners than the rest of his men? So what if he’s much more clean and beautiful? So what if he doesn’t need to shout for people to notice him? So what if he’s smaller and doesn’t show off his muscles? He loves to fight, and that is what makes him a man from Zaraki’s Squad.</p>
<p>Once Rukia leaves with Renji, he starts drinking as he means to. He has never felt like he doesn't belong to the 11th, even when he knows he's very different from everyone in there. He belongs to the place where Ikkaku and his Captain are, wherever that may be. He gained his place there, he gained his men's respect, he gained his friendship with Ikkaku and the Captain.</p>
<p>He did, right? He's not been intruding in a place where he doesn't belong, nor he has been acting like someone he's not, right? He hasn't kept his Zanpakuto a secret because he's faking, but because he doesn't like it, right? Surely Ikkaku and the Captain and his subordinates see him as a genuine member of the division, and not just as the paperwork guy, right? They all know he belongs even if he's a little bit different, right?</p>
<p>Right?</p>
<p>He starts getting irritated, and since he can’t voice his frustration he starts a quarrel with Rangiku, just to argue with someone else and not with himself. He somehow drags Ikkaku into it, too, and soon enough Rangiku is leaning close to his friend and Ikkaku is half holding her to prevent her from falling over him, all while they’re still yelling threats at the other.</p>
<p>He asks for another bottle and notices Hisagi is <em>still</em> staring at him. And, well, now that Rangiku is occupied he can play some with him. He likes the look Hisagi gives when he mentions the amount of alcohol he’s had. People always assume he doesn’t drink or, even worse, that he doesn’t <em>know</em> how to drink. While it bothers him to be seen as weak, he gains a lot of joy when looking at others bewildered faces at realizing how wrong they were.</p>
<p>And Hisagi is not the exception. But then he doesn’t give a response to Yumichika’s comment, and keeps staring at him… or past him, it seems. Yumichika realizes Hisagi is already in a bad shape, and it stops being funny once someone is about to pass out.</p>
<p>He whispers into Ikkaku’s ear “<em>I think we should leave, Lieutenant Hisagi is barely holding it and I don’t want to take Rangiku-san back. Unless, of course, you’re up for it.”</em></p>
<p><em>No way</em> Ikkaku thinks, and nods to his friend for him to stand up. He feels bad for Hisagi, but there’s no way he’s walking her back.</p>
<p><em>"</em>Sorry, Pal”</p>
<p>They leave and start walking. He wonders what was with Hisagi and Yumichika a while back. Well, not just exactly a while back. They’ve always been kind of weird around each other, ever since the whole ryoka thing.</p>
<p>That time, Yumichika had asked him how his fight with Iba had been, and he had answered it had been fine. “<em>Yours?”</em> He had asked, not really expecting Yumichika to tell him he had won. When he asked for details, his friend had just laughed (he had been in a really good mood, even been all flushed) and said "<em>Oh, it was just nice. Hadn’t fought like that in years… don’t you think I look younger and prettier? ”</em></p>
<p>He had looked younger. And yes, prettier. And <em>high</em>. Like a teenager who’s had drugs for the first time and is all laughs and smiles.</p>
<p>Ikkaku didn’t get more information than that, but he had been happy for his friend. Most of the division wouldn’t stand more than a few minutes (and that was if Yumichika was feeling lazy) against the 5th seat, so Yumichika hardly enjoyed sparring with them. Ikkaku was glad he had enjoyed himself against a lieutenant. A lieutenant… that was nice, very nice for a fifth seat, even if he was supposed to be 4th seat.</p>
<p>So next time they met with Hisagi, Ikkaku had smiled when he looked at how the lieutenant gave Yumichika a guarded gaze. How Yumichika would make fun of him after this!</p>
<p>Except he didn’t. Instead, Yumichika returned that gaze with one of his own, just as guarded or even more than the one he was receiving. None of them said a word to each other, but Ikkaku had felt tension there.</p>
<p>Yumichika had never shared much with him about anything, and that included his way of fighting. Ikkaku knew that, when alone, Yumichika fought differently, he just didn't know <em>how</em>. He had thought about asking, sometimes, but he never gained the courage for that. Yumichika held his privacy in great regard, and if after all these years he had barely shared some things with Ikkaku, he had to assume Yumichika just didn’t want him to know.</p>
<p>But something at the back of his mind kept bothering this time. Yumichika had been so quiet lately, and even if Ikkaku couldn’t exactly point at what it was, he was sure something else was off.</p>
<p>“What was that between you and Hisagi?”</p>
<p>Yumichika smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and that makes him look sad rather than dismissive. “Nothing, he was just surprised I was still standing.”</p>
<p>Ikkaku chuckles. Yumichika was a man of the 11th, and like any man of the 11th, he liked to drink. <em>Heavy. </em>His appearance wasn’t that of a drunkard, though, so they had both made a lot of money on bets daring someone to out drink Yumichika. They never lost.</p>
<p>The only one who could beat him was their Captain —because even if Ikkaku had high tolerance he ended up knocked out while fighting someone equally drunk—. He casts a glance at Yumichika and wonders how he's coping with the loss of Yachiru and his Captain's absence. While Yumichika has never been as dependent on Zaraki as Ikkaku, he still is an important figure to him. Yachiru is, though, what must be the hardest part of all this to Yumichika. He got along surprisingly good with her —and Ikkaku would never say it out loud, but he thinks it had to do with both liking to be spoiled—. They enjoyed each other, because unlike Ikkaku Yumichika actually knew how to be nice to her without treating her like a brat. He thinks, now, that he has been very neglectful of his best friend's feelings, and unlike Yumichika, who has tried to give him some advice and slight comfort when he notices he's troubled, Ikkaku has barely said anything, even when he has noticed Yumichika's bad mood.</p>
<p>He’s about to say something when he realizes Yumichika is already staring at him, and whatever words he had thought of saying are soon forgotten. “What?”</p>
<p>Yumichika takes a moment to answer, like he’s not sure if he should say what is in his mind, and ends up shrugging. “Is nothing, just… You’ve been pretty serious, lately. I know you don’t think it is your place, but Captain trusts you, you know? You don’t have to be so formal, just ask him to spar with you. I bet it’ll get you both in a much better mood.”</p>
<p>Ikkaku doesn’t know what to say. “I just… I don’t know how he’s feeling, we can’t know. Surely you realize he won’t just forget <em>her</em> if we spar.”</p>
<p>"Who says he should forget her? No, on the contrary, I think he's frustrated because he hasn't been doing what he's supposed to. He thinks he needs to use his mind, to meditate, and to keep concentrated and calm. When has he ever done that? He needs to fight, that's their connection. Like she would like to talk to someone who keeps seated so long staring at a sword instead of slashing people with it."</p>
<p>Ikkaku comes to a stop. That is… that actually makes sense. Why would their Captain be doing anything else but fighting? That’s just who he is. Ikkaku takes his hands to his face (because he’s still a little bit dizzy) and starts laughing. Of course Yumichika would know how to solve this. Of course Yumichika, even when he seems to be the most isolated of their little group, would know their Captain and Lieutenant better.</p>
<p>“You’re right… didn’t even think of that…”</p>
<p>Yumichika smiles with more honesty now. Ikkaku appears to be a little less steady, and he must be drunker than Yumichika had thought. He tries to hurry them both back to the 11th barracks and ushers Ikkaku into their rooms as quietly as possible.</p>
<p>They’re back home. And while Ikkaku hits his futon and immediately falls asleep, Yumichika stays awake looking at everything around him. His uniform, his eye feathers, his sword...</p>
<p>He keeps staring at his belongings, all which he has gained through the years he’s been here, wondering if he really is supposed to be at this place.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry if there are any mistakes, thanks for reading! :) Next chapter should be up soon... Or so I hope!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't even know if anyone is going to read this, but next chapter should be up soon<br/>Thanks for reading! :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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